Susie Honour

We've been married for 42 years, with a very healthy lifestyle. John was a shooting and fishing man, and restored farm machinery. But John smoked from when he was young.

I've also been studying our family tree for six years, and discovered that heart disease and high blood pressure was prevalent in John's family. He was just 59 when he had it.

He had just got in from work, and I asked him something. He answered me with a garbled response. I realised immediately that it was a stroke. His mouth had dropped and he was dribbling. John walked into the A&E, but had another TIA as he was being examined. He had two more TIAs and then he had a massive stroke. If they had treated the first TIA, then the major damage may never have occurred.

He was admitted to the stroke unit at 9am the next morning. I thought he'd be back in work in a few weeks. The next few weeks was a nightmare. I spent from 7am til 10pm for four months, doing everything for him. I took him out in the wheelchair with the dogs to get his mind functioning. After four months I had total burnout. There was such a shortage of staff.

Now he is profoundly disabled, five years later. He has lost confidence, he can't walk, his speech isn't very good, and he has poor short-term memory. It's a real struggle.

At first I had feelings of anger, grief and bewilderment. But in the end you do get through that, but it's not a complete process. You go forward two steps and back 20.

I went for counselling, and that helped. By speaking to people in the same situation, you glean bits of information. We joined local stroke groups, and it helps to be with people in the same situation. But it was jolly hard to come to terms with.

I would say to anyone in this situation: be sure to keep a life outside the home. And don't do everything for the person who has had a stroke. And get a social worker, you can insist on it. They're there to support you.

Experiences of stroke

Photograph of Claire Simpson

Claire Simpson

When Claire was told she'd had a stroke she didn't believe the doctors - she was 23.