coping

TalkStroke closes on 5 February 2018

As My Stroke Guide has grown into a trusted online stroke community and support tool, we’re closing TalkStroke and asking you to register for My Stroke Guide. It will be easier for you to get all the online support you need, all in one place.

This unique, custom-built tool gives you the opportunity to create your own social profile, make friends with other users and message them directly. There are many ways to interact with one another, such as using the My social forum, posting on the public social wall and joining specific groups based on your interests.

We hope you register for My Stroke Guide, which is quick, easy and takes no longer than five minutes. You can register whenever you want to – either before 5 February or after the closure. You’ll benefit from using all the new features and keep the conversation alive in a supportive and welcoming community.

We’d like to thank you for all your commitment to TalkStroke and we hope you join us soon on My Stroke Guide, our trusted online stroke community and support tool.

If you have any questions, please call us on 0300 222 5707 or email us on mystrokeguide@stroke.org.uk

am I coping. I'm 1 year post stroke just. I have left side paralysis my partner says some really hurtful things to me like I'm damaged. useless and never amount to anything. I love him but fear he no longer feels the same. he says all the right things one minute and is then a verbal bully. I feel vulnerable and needy which is so not me. I was a strong confident person before this stroke. everyone tells me how lucky I am but I really don't feel that lucky. I'm 43 and on the shelf. my partner no longer fancies me. how do I move on and find a way. I've tried overdose which I'm not proud of but it was a means to an ends no burden no hassle to anyone. parts of me wish I died a year ago how bad does that sound. no one has the answers. I lost my husband 4 years ago to cancer and now i have this. maybe i should die and be with him. i nursed him for 2 years before he died. i feel im at the end of the line

Gizmo, I do feel for your situation. I am much older than you, but if I were in the same position I would probably despair as well. My partner and I have been together for 39 years, so it is unlikely we will split up now.

Like you, I have left side paralysis. With hard work (which is still ongoing) my left leg is not too bad and my arm and hand have improved. I do realise that this hard work will go on for a long time. I did,however, talk to my partner about our relationship and we now have a level of intimacy. Fortunately, we are both of an age when love, companionship and shared memories are more important than sex.

Losing your husband is a terrible thing to experience, so to be subject to rejection and hurtful comments from your partner is not a good place to be in. I am not a psychologist or counsellor, so cannot tell you any more than my own experience. I do get down days, but have always been a fighter. Long, long ago, I realised that despite having a full and active life, there might come a time when the only view I would have left was the view from my window. I vowed then that if that came to pass my eyes would take in everything in that limited view and I would cherish it. Fortunately, despite the stroke, I have more than that.....my mind and memory are intact and I can still do some of the things I enjoy doing.

All my life, Gizmo, I have had to fight against the odds, so I am lucky in that respect. It may be that counselling might help you or some chance to meet and interact with other people. Please do not think of ending things. You have survived your stroke, so you were meant to carry on living. Please live.

Dear Gizmo
You me and John Jeff have all survived a stroke. We are the chosen ones. We have been given another life to live and there must be a reason for that. SO don't give up , find that new life that is waiting for you.
Colin

have you managed to find your new life

Yes.
Its not obvious. Its not easy. But I have learned that I am not that previous person. I now live a very quiet and simple life. I no longer crash about doing other peoples tax and pensions. I make tea for the groups that meet at our village church. And I write a lot on this forum. The new life is slowly forming around me.
Colin

I am the same Colin, but Gizmo is much younger than us. I am also learning to be kinder to myself and not doing anything that is beyond me, because that would stress me out. I think it is worth saying that you can improve through doing. Doing exercises has meant I can get in and out of a bath again. Having a bath now is almost heavenly. I would probably feel more despair if I were Gizmo’s age, but I am not. I miss what I cannot do, but feel blessed in what I can do. Fortunately, I have a reasonable pension and my material needs are very few compared to the past.

You and I also have faith and that helps in the circumstance. Still trying to find what I have I have to do as a survivor, but I am getting there. One important point you make is that our brains were injured not our bodies. This means we can exercise and add to our capability and our quality of life.

Nice post John Jeff. We are two peas in the proverbial pod.
Lets hope Gizmo can find a little happiness in the near future.
Colin

Dear Gizmo, I am so very sorry you feel as you are a burden, but also have to admit That I understand you as sometimes I have felt just the same, but I am older than you. I have lots of problems health and family before the stroke I am now trying very hard to accept that my life has changed, big time. However, I still have a life, I can still see my beautiful cat who loves me so much I feel very lucky. Then all the beautiful flowers and much more. I am going through a rough patch at the moment and as the above posts have said everything has changed. I was trying to carry on as I had before my stroke, nearly one year ago but since joining the forum I realise it's not like that. I know it's hard but learn to like yourself again, this is what I am trying to do, so I hope you will try and do it with me. The first thing I think is to learn to just look after yourself as no one else can possibly know how we feel. I get big sighs from my OH which hurts me so much, but he thinks I look alright. I did think at one time of walking very slowly, with a big bandage around me so it's something he could see!! Now I put a bit of lippy on just for me, to make me feel better. Remember you are not on your own Gizmo, take one minute at a time and try and do what makes you feel happy, no matter how small,it's not easy at all I find it hard but it's the only way, move forward, all beit slowly. Do it with me we will get there. I must go for now but remember to love yourself you are very special. Never give up.

Love
Daisy x

hi Daisy i am 43 and it certainly is hard to learn to cope with the changes in my life. i gave 2 new 9 week old kittens who always brighten my day but I do worry my oh finds me a pain and a burden

Hi Gizmo, lovely you have two kittens, if they are anything like my cat when I had her she brought me so much pleasure, making me laugh with her antics, I adore her, don't laugh but she knows everything I say and I know all her meows!!!! So that is one good reason for you to hang on to is those beautiful little kittens need you so much. So keep that thought to help you through these bad times. I am older than you but would like to think very smart like fashion etc. But I did have the same thoughts that I was a burden to my OH my other family think I am ok!!! I don't have those thoughts now I have slowly accepted this other life, so give yourself time, I know it's so so hard but be strong, I joined a stroke club everyone there knows how you feel and I made new friends too. Think about it. You can do this. I will look forward to hearing what you and your kittens get up to very soon. Wish you lots of luck, you never know what's round the corner. Take care.

Love
Daisy

Category

Share

Charity information

Stroke Association is a Company Limited by Guarantee, registered in England and Wales (No 61274). Registered office: Stroke Association House, 240 City Road, London EC1V 2PR.

Registered as a Charity in England and Wales (No 211015) and in Scotland (SC037789). Also registered in Northern Ireland (XT33805), Isle of Man (No 945) Jersey (NPO 369).