Newbie here needing advice

Hi, new to this forum :) My dad had a severe stroke four years ago, he wasn't expected to survive. Since then he lived with his ex partner for three years who didn't care for him. I managed to get him home last December. He has left side paralysis, partial sight, partial hearing and memory problems. Because of his ex's situation, when he returned home from hospital, I feel he went 'off grid' so to speak, he has to take some responsibility for that as he didn't want help. So he had three years of no help at all. Since being with me, we attend physio (privately) every week and we've made some improvement with walking (he has movement in his hip). What I find really hard to deal with is his frustration and the fact he takes that out on his paralysed limbs. He'll punch his arm, kick his leg, harm himself because he feels they are useless. He wanted to break his arm a couple of days ago. Does anyone else have this issue and how do you deal with it? I want him to attend Stroke Club, I'm hoping that if he can meet other survivors he might find something positive about his situation. He gets very frustrated that he can't dress himself and I'm pretty sure there must be some way of learning techniques, I just don't know where to look. Look forward to hearing from you, and thank you for listening.

Dear Tracie
Very difficult for you.
Can I suggest that Dad considers some counselling. Must be a professional with stroke expertise.
The NHS might have a look waiting list in which case, can he go private ? I had counselling during the first weeks at home and it helped me immensely.
I have also found relax classes very helpful. Havent tried yoga but that might also be a good source of help.
Then perhaps the stroke group. I went a few weeks ago and it was so nice to be with other SS. Like being wrapped in a warm blanket.

Stroke doesn't just get at your limbs, it changes ones brain and often harms internal workings.

Good luck to you both
Colin

Thanks for replying, Colin. I have suggested counselling but he does dismiss everything I suggest ha ha He was offered this in the beginning but refused. However, he will listen to others, so we have a plan for family members to perhaps suggest this. I have found, through this website, a local stroke club which I'm going to suggest to him. I do appreciate your response, it helps me to understand if I can talk with other survivors as well.

Dear Tracie
Refusing counselling was a huge mistake. I am searching for some logic and I guess that there is so much going on, indeed going wrong, that us SS get totally overwhelmed. I am a great fan of counselling, cant see how it would do any harm and it helped me a lot. My counsellor gently treated me for post trauma shock disorder and at that time I hadn't a clue that I was suffering from it. A long time later I fell in and realized that was a part of my early problems. To give a clue what goes on for us, today is the 100th week of my recovery. Last week I watched a tv program (on BBC Iplayer) titled "speechless". It is about aphasia. Thoroughly recommend that Dad and you both watch it. I hadn't grasped that I had aphasia. Not at all severe, but it was a significant part of my life for the first four months and there are still traces today. This was not the classical "I will ignore it and it will go away" I simply did not know that it was part of my injuries.

Only Dad can effect his recovery. You can not. Doctors can not. Only Dad can do it.

Perhaps Dad will read this post ???

Best wishes to you both
Colin

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