yesterday I did something really silly I took an overdose nothing serious but enough to make me I'll. I'd had enough of feeling like a useless burden and like I had no control of my life. not one person tried to understand why I did what I did. just said selfish stupid silly weak and managed to turn it into being all about them and there feelings. I'm coming up to my 1 year anniversary since my stroke 26th November. I had a hemoragic gangliableed and it was bad and it changed my life and I'm only 42 but no one seems to understand how I feel. please tell me im.not alone or a bad person
You are not alone, several of us are here cheering you on.
No you are not silly.
No one else will understand, only another SS knows what you are going through.
November 26 will be an emotional and poignant day. Have plenty of clean hankies available.
Stop thinking that you are a useless burden. Start thinking about what you can do, not what you can not do. You will become a new Gizmo, probably in the next twelve months. Plan what this new person will do.
Now I will go on to tread your next posting.
Hugs to you Gizmo
thankyou for your nice comments. I am anxious about 26th not sure why. not sure about Xmas either I was in hospital last year. my family are so disapointed with what I've done. I feel unattractive and alone and at 42 that's not good
I am so sorry to hear of your struggles and feelings of being burdensome.....
many here will understand your plight.
just by coincidence, my stroke anniversary date is also 26 November, I refer to it as my new birthday.
this year I will be 5. the toughest post stroke year is surely the first.
let me tell you from further down the survivor line it gets easier and better, even year on year you can see/feel improvements.
possibly a tricky thing to do early on is accept life and yourself has vastly changed.
this acceptance plays a key part in recovery months/years. come to terms with it, easier said than done....also try to adopt positive thought processes....us survivors are lucky in that we got a second chance at life, look at it that way rather than unlucky to suffer stroke.
try to tackle the negative aspects thst crop up, that are within your control. one at a time, excercise
get fit, (even daily walks work wonders)which is great for mind as well as body.
go easy on yourself don't get too self critical.
you may be damaged, but hey you're still here.
keep well nourished, I lean towards a Mediterranean type of diet, the body and brain like it.
you have many good years ahead of you.
on your first anniversary remind yourself you are over the worst bit of stroke, grasp your second chance with both hands.
fight and fight don't quit.
New you, new life. you are worthy.
a huge part of your recovery must come from within. plant the positive seeds today, reap the harvest from them later. they will come I promise.
our anniversaries are coming, smile at that thought.
my sincere best wishes for a great future.
You wont be `judged` on here and you will certainly be `understood`. Its a huge life changing thing.
I admire your strength to open up on here . I have never understood the saying about it being the selfish thing to do and it shows weakness, you are stronger than any of them to have gone through what you have for the last 12 months. You are on the road to a recovery, tomorrow will be better than yesterday. When I was in hospital, I was told the 1st 6 months is when the greatest recovery occurs and then it slows down. Thats not how I experienced it, of course, its all very slow, but I have felt the most promising recovery is from 12-18 months( I havent gone beyond 18 months yet, so im hoping 18-24 months is even better) and that is the period you are just approaching. Its not easy, I guess nothing will be easy in the old sense anymore but keep on going, keep on fighting. Best wishes for continuing improvement.
Gizmo, The fact that you are posting here shows that you are looking for a reason to fight, so I would suggest you look inside yourself for that ability. You are the only one who can do anything to help yourself find either a new direction or re-establish an existing one.
All survivors soon learn that re-learning how to live again is entirely in their own hands, and I can assure you that all of us have at one time or another felt exactly as you do.
I look forward to reading further mail from you.
Gizmo, I admire your strength and courage. On 22nd November it will be 3 months since my stroke. I’m 37. Every day is a struggle. I smile, I put on a ‘mask’ so everyone thinks I’m alright. Today I completely crumpled in front of my husband, one of the people I’m trying to be strong for, and I just fell apart. I have 3 young children who can’t see that Mummy is feeling broken. I know things will improve, at least that is what everyone keeps telling me. I can only believe them. I have lost my positive mask and I have to find it again by 3.30 when I collect my babies from school. What you did is not silly. It’s not weak. It’s not selfish. I feel like running away on a daily basis, but I don’t know where and I don’t know how. I can’t desert my little ones, although no mummy may be better than a broken one, I just don’t know.
The advice to look at the stroke survival as a second chance is a really good way to think about it. I’m trying to see it that way although the black cloud descends all too readily. I have tried to find help for the emotional and mental damage but I can’t really find anyone willing or able to help. I have tried links on here and other avenues but hit dead ends at every turn. This forum works wonders as therapy and just reaching out. We all support each other and no one, no one judges you. Not like Facebook or other social media where there’s always someone who knows better.
Fight on, you’re doing great. Just tell yourself that every day. Every hour of every day. It’s lunchtime and I’ve just managed to drag myself out of bed. Some days are bad. Other days are not so awful. Those days will become great days.
I was given a piece of advice from a lady who called me yesterday. Your brain makes you rest when it wants to rest, when it wants to heal and mend and learn, like a baby who needs a nap. Play it at its own game and rest before it tells you to. Do a little then rest before you hit the wall. The fatigue may then become manageable which in turn should then help the emotion. I’m going to try it. Will you try it too and maybe we could report back together and see if it’s helping? I’m rubbish at following advice so that’ll be a test in itself!!
Hope to hear from you
The emotional downside of a stroke seems much more difficult to handle than the physical, at least that is my observation. I am in my third year and am continually reviewing my progress. My fingers are a lot stronger and more flexible, my walking is improving just enough to encourage me. I refuse to go down steps sideways and make a point of not depending on hand rails. My talking is my worst weakness and is to a major degree dependent on how tired I am.
I am fortunate that I only have me to concentrate on, my wife and caregiver is very independent and I can't understand where she gets her energy from!
Now, you people with youngsters to care for and protect have what seems to be an impossible job. They would have very little idea on what you are going through and it will be many years before they do.
I take my hat off to you.
Thanks to all the comments above - my husband had a stroke 3 months ago, he's constantly disappointed with his slow progress, weakness, and overwhelming fatigue. It's so hard to encourage and support him, his situation seems so similar to Gizmo. I have no idea where Gizmo gets her energy from, some days he can barely walk downstairs, let alone look after three children! So Gizmo it sounds like you're doing an amazing job, and I will use some of these comments to encourage my husband. Keep strong, let yourself heal inside, we can't always see the progress but it's happening. Best wishes.
I so feel the same exact of what you are going through, I have young kids and miraculously escaped too much aftermath, although have neck pain , anxiety attacks and so on
It’s jus been 2 months and Iam so paranoid of my own body and I am hoping to get there.