My husband had a stroke

My husband was taken into hospital yesterday (monday) after having a stroke, they said he had the first one on Saturday and we hadn't realised and his second yesterday. I'm really struggling and am constantly in tears, even as i type. I feel so guilty i didn't know he had had the first stroke. I am struggling with how different he is now. He can't say many words and he was such a chatty person before and he looks so fragile. I'm trying to hold it together but could do with some support from people who understand x

Hi my partner had a stroke 6 weeks ago..the first few days were terrifying. His words came bacl a little and he struggles with some words but he can now converse and joke again. He was completely paralysed down the right side. But he has some feeling back and is starting to walk. Hes suppose fro walk with 2 people helping but keeps getting up and falling. The first couple of weeks were the worst but every day from then its got a bit better.i know every stroke is not the same. Don't beat yourself up you weren't to know ..if you did you would have called an ambulance..i too did this for the first few days bit i eventually accepted theres nothing you can do in hindsight. You need your strength and it shouldn't be wasted thinking about what you could have done etc. I hope things get better quickly for you both.

Hi there. Stroke comes out of the blue, so you are not to know, how can you. It is, as you know, a major trauma and we do look and feel frail afterwards. Mine was eighteen months ago and just recently my sister told me that when saw me in hospital she wanted to burst into tears. A few months ago, another old friend told me that when she saw me in the early days I looked small and frail.

In the early days, all seems hopeless, but your husband has survived. Now the hard work begins. After my stroke, I could talk and swallow but had no movement on my left side. I was hoisted in and out of bed. Then they taught me to stand, wash and shave. Then they got me walking again. I now walk with a stick, cook, bake, do a little ironing and live a reasonable life. I am still improving, but slowly.

Encourage your husbands all you can. All is not lost and better times lie ahead for both of you.

Hi Tonic85, I'm so sorry you are going through this at the moment. I had a minor stroke in August and I really can't fully imagine what my partner has or is going through. It does get better, slowly but you both need support and a "vent" as sometimes it is frustrating. Talk to the Hospital, your GP and I found the Stroke Association brilliant as a online tool for information and support over the phone. Get as much information you can as when you have questions some do get lost as there is a lot to take in. Don't worry if your husband doesn't listen, I took two moths to listen to what my partner was saying in taking it easy and not trying to do what I had been doing, it was natural to me to want to get back to my usual self ASAP.

I always think Onwards and Upwards!!!!

Thankyou all for your replies, it's comforting to know I'm not alone. It came out of the blue and think I'm still in shock. It's such a shock seeing him like this, and watching him so frustrated that he can't say or do what he would like to now. You have all given me some hope that he will improve, I'm just about holding it together and having to fight back the tears especially when I have to leave him to go home. My mind is going at a million miles an hour at the moment and trying to juggle practical things and emotional things all at the same time x

Your husbands are special. They have survived, many do not.
The first few days are often dramatic. There is so much to learn.
I was paralysed and couldnt move at all. But this week I drove the half hour to the nearest stroke support group. I am just about ready to go and have tea at the local church café group. I do the garden. I Dyson the bungalow etc etc. I bake the occasional cake.

Try to find out the diagnosis, then you know where to start. A good thing about stroke is that there is this awful trauma you are currently suffering, then its recovery recovery recovery.

Ask anything. There is likely to be someone here who will share their experiences

Best wishes

Colin

If you would like advice, don't hold back the tears. You husband may be doing the same thing and it will do both of you good as sometimes there is nothing that can be done at that time.

My partner Rob had a massive stroke 3 months ago. In hindsight I remember now a facetime call he made to me saying he had been on the phone to someone and forgot what he was saying, he seemed confused. I drove to him and he was fine when I got there. Weird! We put it down to the stress of him doing his tax return! (Ha!) I didn't think anything else at the time. Please don't beat yourself up about it, really all I have done is try to work out why, but t is a waste of energy. Rob is home from hospital now after 3 months in hospital. We have a very long road to go. Rob was alone when he had the stroke and wasn't found for 14 hours. Rob's stroke was on the left side of his brain (a clot) which was still there 8 weeks ago at his last scan, we are waiting for his appointment to see if the drugs have dispersed the clot) The last 3 months have been a roller coaster of emotions. He could not walk, he was paralysed on his right side and had to be hoisted out of bed. Now he can walk a bit with a stick and is regaining feeling and some movement in his right hand. He is an artist, so this is added stress, but he is so determined to get over this. The worst part of the stroke hehad is the aphasia which is short term memory loss. He very rarely remembers my name unless I make the sound 'Eee' (my name is Emma) then he remembers. He does not remember his children's names either, it's tough. He also can not read properly now or write as the stroke has disrupted the part of brain that reads and writes, however he is having speech therapy and is regaining words. There has been some wonderful loving moments between us and his sense of humour is there. He is also a bit ocd now when he didn't mind mess at all before! i wish you and your husband all the very very best indeed and a swift recovery for him.

Morning you sound just like me!! My mum had severe stroke Friday morning she opens eyes briefly and moves leg but not much else. Myself and my partner have beat ourself up over hospital releasing her after mini stroke Thursday, him not going in after seeing her light still on at midnight then me not checking earlier Friday morning!! Wheras I’m angry st the hospital I’ll deal with that later me doing ifs and buts will not help. You and I both have a long road ahead but fingers crossed they do as well as these guys on here. Stay strong and I between my tears lol I’ll try and do the same!! Cathryn x

Cathryn
It's very early days after the stroke, I was angry too, but I can not write everything here, it's an essay. You will probably go on a roller coaster of emotions. You will need your energy for your mum now (and yourself) going back and fore to the hospital is very exhausting so make time to rest as you will not be able to help your mum if your are depleted. Our minds go straight to 'what if's' but it is what it is and we can only go from where we are now. I've just ordered Rob an exercise bike as he loves cycling (now he has to go out in an electric wheelchair as walking is laboured) but he walks! He could not move any of his right side at first, or feel anything on the right side, so he we are 3 months later and he's home and every small success is celebrated :) Rob was cycling 5km a day in the little community hospital every day in physio so I want him to continue.
I have learn't to be in the moment as much as I can and celebrate each moment of life. I have learn't a lot this year. Patience, humbleness, dignity, strength are a few and more love than I knew I had in my heart.
I send lots of love and healing to your mum, you and your husband <3

Emma X

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Stroke Association is a Company Limited by Guarantee, registered in England and Wales (No 61274). Registered office: Stroke Association House, 240 City Road, London EC1V 2PR.

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